These funny self love quotes will have you in stitches

I’ll be honest. Sometimes I can take myself a bit too seriously. And when I want to snap myself out of it, I find delightful refuge in reading funny self-love quotes.

Life can throw us curveballs, but the ability to laugh at ourselves is a superpower. Why not celebrate our all-around fabulousness with a smile? Laughter is healing, it’s a stress-buster, and it’s just really darn fun.

This collection of 101 funny self-care quotes from renowned authors to anonymous jesters will help you celebrate all that makes you unique while seeing the humor in being authentically, hilariously you. Infuse your day with doses of laughter and self-affirmation because a day without laughter is a day wasted!

Be sure to also check out my posts about self love affirmations, self-love journal prompts, self-love poems, and my interview with a self love expert! And check out this page for all things self-love.

HERE ARE 101 FUNNY SELF-LOVE QUOTES:

1. "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." — Oscar Wilde

2. "I'm not lazy, I'm in energy-saving mode."

3. "Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time."

4. "You're not going to tell me who I am. I'm going to tell you who I am." — Nicki Minaj

5. "I quit waiting for a breakthrough and decided to break through myself."

6. "I'm not talking to myself. I'm having a parent-teacher conference with my inner child."

7. "I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off." — Ellen DeGeneres

8. “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with." — Wayne Dyer

9. "I don't need an inspirational quote. I need a snack and a nap."

10. "I'm not a control freak, I just know how things should be done – my way."

11. “RIP to all the hours I spent explaining myself to other people.”

12. “I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.”

13. "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." — Oscar Wilde

14. "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." — Mae West

15. "The moment you realize your self-worth, you'll stop giving people discounts." — Karen Salmansohn

16. "The best way to predict the future is to create it." — Peter Drucker

17. "If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you." — Steven Wright

18. "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." — Oscar Wilde

19. “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." — Mark Twain

20. "You're always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company." — Diane Von Furstenberg

21. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."

22. "I don't have low self-esteem. I have low esteem for everyone else." — Sarah Silverman

23. “The hardest part of the journey is believing you are worthy of the trip.” — Glenn Beck

24. "In the kingdom of not giving a fuck, she crowned herself queen and ruled happily ever after."

25. "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." — Winston Churchill

26. "Don't be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart." — Roy T. Bennett

27. "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

28. "I got tired of waiting for opportunity, so I created a doorway." — Bernard Shaw

29. “If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive.”

30. "It's not your job to like me; it's mine." — Byron Katie

31. "The best anti-aging remedy is to count your blessings, not your birthdays." — Abhishek Kumar

32. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres

33. “I’m not short. I’m concentrated awesome."

34. "If you're searching for that one person who will change your life, take a look in the mirror."

35. "In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act." — Caroline Caldwell

36. "My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, 'Just wait.'" — Judy Tenuta

37. "In the grand adventure of life, there are chapters best enjoyed lying on the couch.”

38. "Do your thing and don't care if they like it." — Tina Fey

39. "I think everybody’s weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it." — Johnny Depp

40. "The lion doesn't concern itself with the opinions of sheep."

41. "Don't compromise yourself – you're all you have." — John Grisham

42. "Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway." — Robert Downey Jr.

43. "I love myself because I can’t rely on anyone else to love me as much as I love me."

44. "Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting." — William Shakespeare

45. “Be patient with yourself. You are growing stronger every day. The weight of the world will become lighter…and you will begin to shine brighter. Don’t give up.” — Robert Tew

46. "Why do people say 'grow some balls'? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding." — Betty White

47. "If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down." — Toni Morrison

48. "Your time is way too valuable to be wasting on people that can't accept who you are." — Turcois Ominek

49. "Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, and never follow someone else’s path—unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost, and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that." — Ellen DeGeneres

50. "I really believe that all women are goddesses, but we forget that when we're dealing with life's challenges. So sometimes you just need a little nudge to remember the divine being you are—preferably from someone wearing a sparkly cape." — Maya Rudolph

51. "I stopped waiting for the stars to align; I started dancing under them instead."

52. “Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring. So I go back to being me.” — Ain Eineziz

53. "You are not a mess. You are a feeling person in a messy world." — Glennon Doyle

54. "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." — Lily Tomlin

55. "The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I'm not going to let myself pull me down anymore." — C. JoyBell C.

56. "Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It’s sanity." — André Gide

57. "The face you have at age 25 is the face God gave you, but the face you have after 50 is the face you earned." — Tom Hanks

58. "Self-care is how you take your power back." — Lalah Delia

59. "We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." — Maya Angelou (Maya has so much wisdom to offer. Check out more of her quotes here.)

60. "I'm not shy; I'm holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you."

Check out these posts:

61. "I don’t have a six-pack. Maybe I have a one-pack. But what I do have is a keg." — Jack Black

62. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain

63. "I quit waiting for a sign and started writing my own story."

64. “You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” — Penny Reid

65. "Don't be afraid of being different. Be afraid of being the same as everyone else."

66. "I love my bed. We complete each other."

67. "I’m not indecisive… unless you want me to be."

68. "Embrace your differences and the qualities about you that you think are weird. Eventually, they’re going to be the only things separating you from everyone else." — Sebastian Stan

69. "I’m like a fine wine. I get better with age, and sometimes I spill on the couch."

70. "I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all." — Coco Chanel

71. “If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama

72. “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.” — Cindy Crawford

73. "I'm not a one in a million kind of person. I'm a once in a lifetime kind of phenomenon."

74. "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" — Dr. Seuss

75. "I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research." — Sherlock Holmes in "Sherlock"

76. "I stopped waiting for the applause and gave myself a standing ovation."

77. "Remember that Shrek, an ogre, found love, valued friendship, and rocked his swampy style.”

78. "The things that make me different are the things that make me." — A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)

79. “They say good things take time, so that’s why I’m always late.”

80. "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." — Confucius

81. "Self-love is the best love—unless we're talking about pizza. Pizza is pretty great too."

82. “I don’t wear opinions of others anymore. Learned to dress myself.” — Nikki Rowe

83. "Stretch marks: proof that my body can create its own abstract art. Picasso would be proud."

84. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” — Phyllis Diller

85. "I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong."

86. "I don't need a knight in shining armor. I need a cat in a decent mood."

87. "Be a book: open-minded, full of adventure, and let your story inspire those who dare to read between the lines."

88. "Loving yourself is a rebellion in a world that profits from your self-doubt." — Lelah Delia

89. "For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." — Audrey Hepburn

90. "It's hard to be a diamond in a rhinestone world." — Dolly Parton

91. “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself.” — Anne Lamott

92. "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." — Nelson Mandela

93. “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” — Katharine Hepburn

94. "The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate." — Oprah Winfrey

95. “Stop shrinking to fit places you’ve outgrown.”

96. "Life is short; smile while you still have teeth.”

97. "Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive." — Elbert Hubbard

98. "Why not go out on a limb? That's where the fruit is." — Frank Scully

99. “Some days I amaze myself. Other days, I look for my phone while I’m talking on it.”

100. “You can’t make everyone happy. You aren’t tacos.”

101. "Mirrors don't talk, and luckily for us, they don't laugh either."

*******

Life's a sitcom, and you're the lead. They say laughter is the best medicine, so keep those doses coming! Embrace your quirks, celebrate your imperfections, and keep watering your garden.

I’ll leave you with this parting joke:

Why did the self-love enthusiast become a gardener?

Because they wanted to root for themselves!

Keep smiling!

Be sure to also check out my posts about self love affirmations, self-love journal prompts, self-love poems, and my interview with a self love expert! And check out this page for all things self-love.

Did these funny self care quotes make you giggle? I’d love to hear in the comments! This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through them, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. I donate 10% of all proceeds made from this blog to charity. Find out more about the charity I am supporting here.