A couple years back, some friends invited me to Bali for their wedding. I’d seen pictures of Bali’s sacred temples, serene beaches, and lush foliage, but when I boarded the plane, I was mostly excited to experience its world-class yoga and mysticism. Plus, I’d read Eat, Pray, Love like a decade before, so was curious to see what adventures the magical island had in store!

While I didn’t meet my Javier Bardem in Bali, I ended up stumbling upon something infinitely more valuable: a chance encounter with a self love coach. My hotel in Ubud fortuitously happened to be next door to a bustling yoga studio called Radiantly Alive. I was immediately drawn in by the smell of incense and the steady stream of beaming smiles exiting the building. “What is this place?” I asked the kind man behind the welcome desk. I came to learn that people from all over the world had come to study yoga and attend workshops with thought leaders there. What a lucky coincidence! But isn’t that always the way life goes? It drops the people and places we need right into our laps when we are ready to receive their lessons.

I decided to cancel my sightseeing plans for the day and take a workshop instead. I signed up for a 4-hour class on cultivating self love taught by Sabi Kerr, a prominent self love coach and yoga teacher. I had no clue what to expect, but I ended up having a completely transformative experience. I felt joy, I cried, I made friends I still keep in touch with to this day, and I left with a completely new understanding of the ways in which I relate to myself. I realized how critical my self-talk can be, and learned how to replace that negative talk with words of self love. I also learned how the relationship we have with ourselves impacts every aspect of our lives. In fact, it was in that very workshop that I finally found the courage to overcome my self-doubt and start this blog, something I’d dreamt of for years!

Meeting Sabi that day ended up being such a blessing. Since then, I have taken a bunch of online classes with her that she generously offers for free to the community (follow her on Instagram to know when her next one is: @sabi.kerr). I am so excited to share this interview with you guys where Sabi shares tips on how to love yourself unconditionally!

Excited to embark on your self love journey? Read my guides on self love mantras, self love journaling, and loving yourself poetry!

LOVE THE SKIN YOU’RE IN: A CANDID INTERVIEW WITH A SELF LOVE COACH

Tell us a bit about yourself and how you came to do the work that you do.

That’s a big question! Where to start? I am a multi-passionate person, so I have always been interested in lots of different avenues of work. A big part of my journey has been really embracing all of my different skills and passions, and releasing the idea that we have to pick just one thing and stick with it. So I’ve explored lots of different things from dance and the performing industry, to teaching kids as a primary school teacher. And in between those two jobs, I worked in management consulting for a tiny amount of time and realized it definitely wasn’t for me. I also had a small side business where I taught dance for events like weddings and birthdays.

Before I got into yoga and coaching, I’d already explored quite a few different avenues that other people might see as conflicting. For me, it was an exploration of the different parts of me. I did my first yoga teacher training in Goa, India, and began to teach a lot of yoga around London. I really loved it and knew there was something there. And the more that progressed, I knew I wanted to work with people in a deeper way. So I did a diploma in coaching and started coaching 1-on-1, and everything started to shift from there.

I am now a self love coach and I use different tools and bring them together to guide people to love themselves, and to form a really deep relationship with themselves.

Your self love workshop was my introduction to the concept of self love. I feel very fortunate to have walked into your class in Bali! Who was your introduction to the concept of self love?

It wasn’t one person or moment. It was a gentle dropping of breadcrumbs that kept being shown to me. Self love is the same to me as spirituality and self-development. You can’t go on a spiritual path or a journey of self-development if there’s not self love. The journey of self love is all about coming home to who you are.

It definitely began on my first yoga teacher training. That began to open my eyes to a whole new level of self-awareness and spirituality. It just deepened from there with each book I read, class I took, and from living in Bali for a while and being powerfully inspired by all the incredible work people there were doing. It was a combination of lots of different things.

How has your life transformed since you began your self love journey, both internally and externally?

I’ve become so much more self-aware. I never had massive self-hate, and have always been fairly comfortable in my own skin. So it hasn’t been a rags to riches story of me moving from self-loathing to self love. But the more work that I’ve done internally, it’s given a feeling of more awareness of my thoughts and more love for who I am in every single moment. That always shows up in small ways and in more challenging moments. I’ve grown my ability to hold myself when I’m not feeling so good - that’s been a big shift that I've noticed.

And then in my external world, I think it has epically shifted how I show up in my relationships and in my business. This is something I talk about a lot - the impact on your work when self love is involved. It shifts how I show up online and how I use my voice. The confidence I have to share my message has radically transformed the more that I give myself permission to take up space. That is all self love work.

How do you define self love?

First and foremost, I want everyone to let go of any set definition. For me, self love is about finding your own truth. The key ingredient in this work is giving everyone the power to choose what is right for them. That is a self love exercise in itself.

My self love definition (which is not the definition) shifts and changes, but is often something like:

Knowing that you are enough
Knowing that all parts of you are welcome here today
You are perfect just as you are

Sabi Kerr — Self love definition: You are perfect just as you are

I feel like I’ve seen the self love movement all over social media these days. Where do you think this movement originated?

Self love is just a word like everything else. Before it might have been called self-development, spirituality, or empowerment work. While the term feels cliché nowadays, the spiritual practice of being with ourselves is not new.

Can’t you accomplish a lot in life by being tough on yourself and constantly pushing yourself to do more? Is that in opposition to the concept of self love?

Anyone can be successful if they push themselves hard, but I want to understand how they are defining success. Is it society’s version of success - a good job with a lot of money? People can have those things by working really hard and not being self-loving, but how happy are those people really?

Lots of people might not ever do this work, and that’s okay. But I think it’s important to check in to understand what kind of success you want. Because I know my success might include financial abundance, but it also includes feelings of joy, happiness, and peace. Those things are just as important to me in my version of success as the money piece.

Check out these posts:

How is self love different from conceit or egotism? Is there a point where self love turns into narcissism?

Self love is just for you at the end of the day. That’s what it’s for. It’s not for anybody else. It’s purely for you, and it’s not to look good. That’s the difference. The total opposite of self love is doing things for the approval of other people.

So, do people with high reserves of self love not need external validation?

I love this question! I think external validation sometimes gets a bad rap. The issue with external validation is when we are seeking it just to make us feel good because we don't feel good about ourselves already, or to fill spaces that we aren’t able to fill by ourselves. When we already have self love, and we know that we are amazing, beautiful, etc. - when you know those things are true about you - it’s not unhealthy to desire affirmation from other people. That can feel supportive and loving. The difference is that it’s not coming from a place of needing it to feel good. Instead, it’s coming from a place of “I’m already feeling good about myself, and it’s nice when the people in my life can share that love with me rather than them being the total source of it.”

Why is self love so important? Why should someone take the time to do this work?

It’s everything. It’s the foundation from which we interact with the world. How we show up in our relationships is a mirror to how we have shown up for ourselves. We have a relationship with everything, not just people, and the relationship we have with all of these things - work, money, our bodies - is impacted by the relationship we have with ourselves. Whatever you are desiring in your life, working on you, your self love, and the relationship you have with yourself is the most powerful first step.

“Whatever you are desiring in your life, working on you, your self love, and the relationship you have with yourself is the most powerful first step.”

How can one develop self love? What are some self love tips for beginners?

I don’t know how I feel about the term beginner because it’s not something you just start and then get to the intermediate and advanced level. For me, it’s a continuous practice that just becomes more natural to you. But, for anyone new to the world of self-development and the concept of self love, there are so many different things that you can do.

A really good starting point is to bring more awareness to your thoughts and self-talk. Talk to yourself like someone you love. Practice shifting any negative thoughts into empowering, loving ones. Practice showering yourself with love, speaking to yourself as if you were a best friend, a lover, or someone you really care about. Also journal and do mirror work where you practice looking at yourself with love: look into the mirror, into your eyes, and notice what thoughts come up.

When I first started this work, I realized I was saying a lot of mean things in my head to myself. When you say to shift our negative thoughts, how can someone actually stop that inner dialogue when they realize what they are saying to themselves?

First of all, release the attachment to having to stop it right away and come to a neutral, compassionate place of observation. Take a step back and be the observer and witness of your thoughts so you can do all this from a non-judgmental space. The more you practice being the watcher of your thoughts, you’ll be able to recognize: “Oh, I’m doing that thing again! I’m in that space of being really mean to myself.”

Developing an awareness of it going on is really, really important because so many people have negative self-talk every single day without even realizing it. Just becoming aware that it’s even there is really powerful. When your awareness is strong, then obviously you have a better understanding of when it’s probably going to arise, and from that space you can take a moment for whatever it is you need. You can close your eyes or keep them open, take a few breaths, or do a meditation. Depending on what the thoughts are that are coming up (they might be ones that you’re used to) it helps to have some really empowering affirmations ready to remind yourself of in those moments.

How do affirmations work and what are some of your favorite self love mantras?

I don't know if we need to know how everything works if we’re aware that it’s having a positive impact on us. Think about how many potentially negative thoughts we have a day that we say to ourselves without realizing it. Self love affirmations are a practice of allowing yourself to say really positive things to yourself with awareness. This can feel awkward to a lot of people when they start because they’re not used to speaking to themselves with love. So using affirmations is a really beautiful practice of speaking to yourself with love intentionally, whereas negative thoughts are unintentional and just happen. I have so many favorite ones. Some favorites are:

SELF LOVE MANTRAS:

All parts of me are welcome here (especially when I’m not feeling so great, this reminds me that that is welcome too)
It’s safe for me to take up space
My voice is powerful
I’m worthy
I’m enough

Read more on how mantras for self love can transform your life here!

How do you see the relationship between your body and self love, beyond just the superficial sense?

If you think about where all of the negative self-talk and all of our blocks and issues reside, it’s a lot of mind stuff. So often we are up in our minds and not enough in our bodies. We can feel it when we get into our bodies – so much can be released. It’s a way to tap into a deeper part of ourselves that we can’t always access just by talking it through, worrying, or going over it in our minds. Accessing the body allows for another way to move through something on a potentially deeper level. You can definitely feel in your body and with your feminine energy when something is right for you, and the mind sometimes overanalyzes things.

With self love work, how can we know if we are doing it right and how do we know if we need more? For example, if my jeans start fitting tightly, that’s a sign I may need to exercise more. What’s an equivalent signal for self love?

I want you to completely drop the idea of doing anything right. This is not a science, there’s no one way to do it. Check in with how you’re feeling about yourself and about life. How is your self-talk? If you realize that you’ve had a whole week of speaking to yourself unkindly, it’s not that your self love is bad, it’s just a check-in where you can say “Okay, I need to be with myself more. I need to spend some more time with me, and maybe there are some practices that I need to remember to do more.”

What are some basic daily self love exercises that anybody can do to grow their self love?

None of this needs to be complicated. Sometimes keeping things simple is powerful. There are lots of easy things that you can start to bring into your life. Here are some exercises I recommend:

SELF LOVE EXERCISES:

Having a daily morning gratitude practice is powerful. It’s as easy as thinking of 3 to 5 things that you’re grateful for.
Check in multiple times a day to see how you’re honestly feeling. Place your hand on your heart and ask “How is my heart right now?” Allow what you’re feeling to be there.
Having a meditation practice or a practice of being with yourself
Journaling is great to share what is going on with you and for releasing your thoughts

What advice would you have for someone going through a tough moment in their life right now (i.e. breakup, job loss, losing a loved one)?

Hold yourself with so much compassion through these hard times. Know that it’s okay to not feel great. That’s the most important thing when we’re going through a massive challenge. You don’t need to pretend that you’re good. You don’t need to rush to say a bunch of positive affirmations if something really bad is going on in your life. If you’re going through a big moment of challenge, the most self-loving thing can sometimes be to allow yourself to feel all of those painful things that are going on for you. Feeling those things and allowing yourself to be in that space is important for healing. If we just skip over it and pretend that we’re okay when we’re not, stuff doesn’t just go away. It stays. Giving yourself permission to feel those things is one of the most important things you can do.

“Know that it’s okay to not feel great.”

How do you balance allowing yourself to feel the feelings without getting into a slump of wallowing in self-pity?

That’s an important question. You definitely don’t want to pretend you’re okay straight away when you’re not. There’s not a set timeline because these situations and the depth of the challenge is different for everyone. The same thing might affect different people in different ways, and that’s okay.

You yourself know when you’re starting to wallow. You know when you’ve been sitting in a space of pain for a little too long. It’s unique for each individual, but when you feel like you’ve been sitting in a depressive place for too long, getting some support from someone - a friend, therapist, coach, or family member - is important.

I look to you as a foremost expert on the self love space today. I’m curious, when you first began self love coaching, did you have impostor syndrome? And if so, how did you hold yourself through that fear and insecurity?

This is something that a lot of people move through. After my coaching certification, I felt very ready to hold space for people. I think that’s because I had been teaching yoga for a while, and because I had been a school teacher which was really great training for life! I always felt that I was good at this (and I know that may be challenging for some people to feel good right at the beginning) but I felt like this was the space I was meant to be in. That doesn’t mean it didn’t feel challenging. It just meant that I knew I was meant to be here.

For anyone that is dealing with impostor syndrome when they move into something new, just remembering that you’re brand new can be useful. Know that it’s okay to have those doubts, but you don’t need to let those fears stop you from doing the thing. The most important thing for impostor syndrome is to take action and do the very thing that feels the most scary. That’s how you release it – by taking action.

What’s an example of a self love day someone can organize for themselves?

Absolutely anything that you like to do. Release the idea that this is a science or there are any rules. What do you like? What makes you feel good? Do that for your self love day!

I personally love sitting with a cup of tea. So that’s a nice time for me when I could be doing something else, but I decide to be with myself and do something that feels good. It doesn’t need to be complicated.

Any must-read self love books, poetry, movies, shows, songs, or podcasts that you recommend to anyone embarking on a journey towards growing their self love?

Two books I highly recommend are The Power of Now and A Return to Love.

Last question, do you have a favorite self love mantra that you tell yourself often?

“No one is you and that is your greatest superpower.”

“No one is you and that is your greatest superpower.”

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Self love reads recommended by Sabi:

HI! I’M SUMEETA

After traveling to 50+ countries, I realized that what I was really searching for was a deeper understanding of myself. My travels were a catalyst for inner growth, and I’m sharing what I’ve learned to empower you.

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I hope you guys were as inspired by Sabi and her message as I am! You can learn more about her work at sabikerr.com or her instagram. Self love has become a part of my self-care the same way diet and exercise are. I’d love to hear how self love has impacted your life in the comments! And if you liked this post, pin it! This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through them, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. I donate 10% of all proceeds made from this blog to charity. Find out more about the charity I am supporting here.